Wednesday, December 30, 2009
countdown to my doomsday : 7h 30min .
ugh .
good luck to me
Jamal Rad at 8:25 AM
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
its back to the same feeling again ,
the EXACT same feeling 4 weeks ago ,
on the exact same day of the week .
because tmr is cds day , where i have to present my lame speech ,
which i do not want to do ,
and i thought by not goin for class 4 weeks ago ,
i can escape it .
but i was wrong ..
so ,
what is it that im afraid of .
well is pretty obvious .
i cant talk to strangers ,
especially a room full of them .
despite being with my cds class for almost a month ,
most of my classmates are just , strange .
so then the subject is called public speaking ,
which was interesting i thought at first .
and i ingeniusly had the idea that ,
since it will help me in some part of my life , why not try it as a good experience .
but now i realised i was wrong .
i had made the most terrible decision in life .
ugh .
and now i regretted .
but its no use since its like half way through the semester .
i guess its really not me to speak in front of people .
just throw me to a crowd of strangers ,
i'll refuse to talk ,
not that i dont want to , i just can't .
oh well .
at least no one can say i didn't try .
all i can do now is find the problem to this fear , if i can .
because its like finding the problem to why people are scared of ghosts .
maybe its the people in the class ,
like girls .
seriously , im really not comfortable with them around .
its like , we have to mind what we speak .
say the wrong thing and they'll hate you for life ,
or have a different impression of you .
thats my next biggest fear i guess .
these creatures are really scary to be with .
some of them really look like they are gonna eat you up luh .
seriously , just look and those mouthwatering lips ,
ready to gobble you up .
and those sharp eyes looking and observing , waiting to spot the wrong move you made .
then those fierce looking fake eyebrows ,
and sharp teeth ,
and pointy ears ,
and long pointy nose ,
and scary fingernails ,
and ..
lol . i went from reality to witches and vampires .
whatever .
i just wish one of them would suck my blood dry , tonight .
im bored of life .
im tired of sitting in front of the computer as my life fades away .
im tired of being afraid of what people will think of me each step i take out of the house .
im tired of letting people bully me in class and just smile and act as if nothing happened .
im tired of playing dota and then after each game the winner gets to taunt the loser till you got nothing back to say .
im tired of goin to school just to make parents happy .
and so when yr tired ,
maybe some sleep will help rest your thoughts ,
as you dream of the things that are impossible in life ,
like being with a girl beside you , watching the sunset , feeling her heartbeat , holding her hand with her head resting on your shoulder .
yeah , impossibles the word .
Jamal Rad at 10:04 PM
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
tough
Jamal Rad at 1:20 PM
Sunday, December 20, 2009
i got a wedding i have to attend to ,
and i have no idea why luh .
what are 3G phones for ?
Jamal Rad at 7:26 AM
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
i got presentation tmr and..
i havent even prepared a single shit .
shit, help !
Jamal Rad at 8:16 PM